This is my first mothers day, should this hurt my feelings?
Yes, your feelings are justified to be hurt. You are not being selfish and your request is not unreasonable. Unfortunately, your husband hasn't learned the lesson of satisfying your needs instead of his own. He may not mean to hurt you but has none the less. It will be up to you to express your feelings about this situation very clearly and firmly. If you don't he will continue to dismiss your desires and put his own first. You should explain to him that you do understand his need to see family, and his need to spend time with them when possible, but that Mother's day is one of the only day's set aside for you. You should take the time to remind him that he asked you what you wanted and you told him. Get him to see that not respecting your requests is showing lack of respect for you and your relationship. Ask him how he would feel if he made requests and you ignored him. Try not to argue about this because you don't want to get away from the topic at hand. As far as mother's day well that's a tough one. Maybe you should take yourself out to breakfast or for that picnic anyway. To avoid confrontation you could do it early so you will be there when the family arrives. However, one last suggestion I will make is that you do not, do not, help him prepare for this event. You let him know that you will be there but will take the time to enjoy your "mother's day" and stick to it. Even if you have to clean up the day after.
Reply:Why should you do all the work. Tell him its your day, he invited them and he can do all the cooking and cleaning. Then dont do any of it. Personally if it was me, Id just go off and spend the day by myself somewhere if someone pulled that crap on me.
Reply:Hmmm, sounds like he is trying to please everyone but you! Let him know how you feel, that he asked, you answered, but instead were ignored. Suggest that the bar-b-que happen another weekend, just not THIS weekend.
Reply:Okay, he's invited everyone around for a barbeque, make sure he is the one who organises everything. This is YOUR Mother's Day, don't lift a finger all day long.
Reply:When my first child was born it created a massive dilemma. I wanted to spend time with my Mom and grandmother, my husband (now ex) wanted to see his Mom and Grandmothers, and I wanted to be spoiled and pampered the way my mom was when I was a kid. You can't do it all. Do all your prep for the BBQ on Saturday and spend Sunday Morning just the 3 of you at the park. Weahter is warm enough to have a 3 or 4 pm bbq. Marriage is all about comprimise, find a schedule that suits your needs. My kids have a very large family, and divorced parents who are both involed in serious relationships. They spend Christmas Eve day with me and my family (a tradition from when I was a chld) the we go back to my house, pick up my stepdaughter on the way and we all go to my house to open presents, watch a movie and have popcorn. We then drop my boys off at the church with their Dads side of the family for midnight mass, go home put my stepdaughter to bed and wake up Christmas morning, my fiance's family comes over for breakfast we open gifts with them, and of course Santa makes a stop overnight. Then about noon my step daughters mother picks her up and takes her off to do things with her family.
My point here is his family is YOUR family too. No matter what the situaton is, there is a comprimise, If I can pull off my Christmas routine EVERY year for the past 4 years, you can figure out how to handle Mothers day.
Reply:I agree with the other posters, especially if you both see your mothers all the time anyway. Extended family is important, so I would suggest doing the BBQ the day before (Saturday) so you can all see his sister. Then relax on Sunday and enjoy your day. This would please everyone. Good luck!
Reply:SOUNDS TO ME LIKE HE WAS INCONSIDERATE WITH YOUR FEELING...WHEN IT IS FATHERS DAY...MAKE HIM A BARBEQUE AND MAKE HIM DO ALL THE COOKING ETC...YEAH I TOO WANT A QUIET TIME FOR MOMS DAY THIS SUNDAY NOT ALL KINDS OF PEOPLE OVER SO I HAVE TO COOK AND CLEAN...THATS BULLCRAP! YEAH I WOULD BE UPSET TOO.
Reply:You need to tell him he did ask what u wanted to do for Mothers Day? You did answer! Men some times don't see thing the way us woman do. Ask him if he would like to have a party for his first Father's Day. Invite his Family over. And he could barbecue for everyone. Or something like that. I think he may look at it differently. Better yet have it be your Family that is invited over. But ask him sweetly. be honest but gentle. If you decide to go ahead and do it his way.
make sure you hand him a Honey to do List. of everything that has to be picked up for the Barbecue. because you are taking the Day Off. for your First Mother's Day. Enjoy.
Reply:Yes it should hurt your feelings. Take over %26amp; make different arrangements - you said that his sister is in town 2 days a week - see her on another day.
Reply:I'd be telling my husband fine you invited all these people over for a BBQ good luck. On mothers day get up take your daughter out for the day when everyone is suppose to show up for dinner come back home do nothing to help him. Don't buy prepare or do anything. No clean up either. When everyone leaves for the night go for a walk with your daughter come home put her to bed and go to bed yourself. When he is pissed you won't help explain that your a mother now and you deserve to be treated as one.
Or next month when fathers day comes do the same thing to him make him cook and prepare and cleanup see how he likes spending the only day off he can working like a dog.
He'll either get it or he won't.
Good luck
Reply:it's your mothers day and you should be able to do what you want! i would sit down and tell him that you would like to spend the day relaxing and having to clean up and cook for all those people isn't relaxing to you!
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